Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

 

On The Cliff Edge by ~jhxmt:iconjhxmt:





For too long I have tumbled
From fallen tree to bitter stump,
With slapping branches drawing cries
From all too-ragged lungs.

The shards of cutting grass
Leave red welts across ankles
That were clad in leather years past.
Now a woven trail of torn soles,
Broken laces, ripped boots
Lies far behind me on the ground.

Tattered remnants of shirts once worn
Hang limply from cruelly-spiked branches
Where, on occasion, the passing breeze plays,
Imparting a semblance of life
To the long-discarded cloth.

Bloody soles pound over spring grass
Giving a million grey sensations
A thousand gasping breaths and, at last,
No trees.

Blinding sunlight burns down
Obscuring all for moments.

The darkening trees have passed away
Leaving distant fires and a dying ember
That dips low over the horizon.
Yet all I can see is the cliff edge,
The precipice lying before me.

You stand there, all along the cliff edge,
Every inch of the way is lined by you,
Every motion of my eye meets one of your own.
I step, limbs trembling.  You smile.
And now it is all I can do
To stop myself leaping
Through your arms.



(Copyright 2005, Chris Kelly - just in case I do end up using this or a derivative for my creative writing course.  Yes, Mr or Mrs External Examiner, this is for your benefit.)
©2005-2009 ~jhxmt
:iconjhxmt:

Author's Comments

Have I mentioned before how much I hate the classification system for poetry? Yeah, I know, I know, dead horse topic. I was going to put this under Romantic (since I hate putting things in General and this is, broadly, dealing with emotions felt when in love), but when I was then asked to classify what kind of romance it dealt with, I gave up. General it is.

Written maybe a month or so ago, work in progress, critiques welcomed with open arms and a nice hot cup of tea. Well, maybe not the tea.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconohno-moment:
from fallen tree to bitter stump...isn't that about the same thing? Or was that your intent

--
"I have only three things to teach: simplicity, patience, and compassion. These three are your greatest treasures." - Lao Tzu
:iconjhxmt:
Hmm, good point. I seem to recall I was trying to keep vaguely the same image, but hadn't actually realised it's positively identical. Whoops! Well, that's going to be something that'll have to vanish in the rewrite!

--
He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind.
- Da Vinci
:iconcedrada:
There is a very bitter feel to this poem. If that was your intent then it was well conveyed. I'm sorry i'm not much help, I have a cold/flu thingy and am commenting so you know that someone is reading your work and likeing it.
:)

--
Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
:iconjhxmt:
Aww, thankee. :) Hope your cold/flu thingy gets better. Or rather, I hope it dies and you get better! ;)

--
He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind.
- Da Vinci
:iconultimac:
its a really interesting poem, i like it actually, i think you should make it more obvious what you are focussing on, it was well written tho, i like the way u said:

Tattered remnants of shirts once worn
Hang limply from cruelly-spiked branches

I think you lost me at the shoes part, it wasnt that it was badly written or expressed, but i dont think the main point was clear enough...

--
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese. :plotting:

:salute: This club rocks!! *Altered-Anatomy-Club :salute:
:iconfaiththroughchaos:
This poem is excellent! Its gonig to be a fave for me, I love the last image, the way you coupled the image of somebody smiling with one of something far darker.

Excellent work, and I wish I could write like this :) inspiration for us all
:iconjhxmt:
Thanks for the comment. Yes, I might have to rewrite this piece a little to make it clearer and less jumbled - it could definitely do with a bit of polishing, at the very least.

--
He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind.
- Da Vinci
:iconjhxmt:
Aww, thanks! Glad you like it - I'll confess I quite liked the final image myself...though the rest of it may need a bit of a rewrite!

--
He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind.
- Da Vinci
:iconultimac:
no problem, i look forward to reading it!! :D

--
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese. :plotting:

:salute: This club rocks!! *Altered-Anatomy-Club :salute:

Details

April 3, 2005
1.6 KB
24.2 KB
315×265

Statistics

9
1 [who?]
65 (0 today)
4 (0 today)

Site Map